another girl in her own world..

sigh~ saying good bye is never easy… :’(

(will continue later. have tuition class. kid to teach.)

back.

anyway, today i had to say good bye. and i was getting very attached too. *sigh* all good things must come to an end, i suppose.

today was the last day to return the graduation gown. hehe. it had been in my possession for the past month. and i took a lot of photos with me wearing it. waaaay much more than the average person. lesssseeeee, there was the rehearsal, the grad day itself, a studio photo session with my family, a photo session with my frens and another studio photo session with my programme. oh, and a special photo session with B. (rnBs aren’t you proud?? :lol i didnt cry or anything but i was kinda sad. its like saying good bye to a friend who’s been with you throughout a very joyous moment in your life.

another piece of memory to savour.

 good bye, my friend….

so, i decided to go to B’s place. the connection at my place is somewhat unreliable and i kinda need to go online. and so now that everything is done, i decided to take advantage and post a blog.. huhuhu..

 me and B. nothing to do. so took a photo and posted in my blog. :p

 doesn’t he look cuuuuuuuutttteeee?? hehe.. my baba..

 - will continue later. have to go now..

9.10pm : i’m finally home. tadi went out for sungkai at Nyonya’s. if you wanna full details, go to war’s blog. hehe. as usual, war took photos. which btw, makes me wonder why is it in real life, my hair looks flat. but when in war’s camera, it looks like it has a life of its own!! meng-gerbang ani wah!! :s

anyway, continuing with my post tadi..

 the latest addition to the family: amoi… hehehe..

 i found this photo in my mob. i was thinking “anak sapa lagi kan nie??” hahaha.. didn’t realised. its Bo’s nephew..

  mother & 2 daughters       

 w/kaka long. these photos were taken masa abg long and kaka siti went back to singapore. i suddenly wanna go to singapore. as soon as i kumpul enough money, i am so going there. hehe.

ok. kinda tired now. hehe. nite, toots.

sigh.. i thought i could relax today.

been busy, going out, everyday. running errands like sending my lil sister, picking up lil brother, meetings for the sungkai. *sigh* so when i realised i could have the morning off today, i decided to sleep in. you know, wake up late and just relax. unfortunately, i received that fateful call this morning. i was called in for relief teaching. :s i could say no but… i need the $$ hahaha..

in the afternoon, i actually hung out in my lil brother’s room. me and the sibs watched ‘jangan pandang belakang’.

 i already watched this with my friends and another time with B. i forgot how scary it was! crap… hehe. i honestly think that malaysian scary movie is the scariest movie of all. and in this movie, it seems like all of the warnings that me grandma used to tell me when i was a kid happened in the movie. i used to think that my grandma would only warn me just so i would behave (i was kinda hard to control.. :p). but now… heh.. who am i to question my grandma? i know this movie was out years months ago and this review is somewhat overdue but… its my blog. i can write whatever i want. hehehe..

scariest moments in the movie (for me):

• the senile grandmother said “dharmaaaa.. sape kawan kamu tuu..? masuk lerrrr.. buat macam rumah sendiri..” (dharma came home alone. the grandma looked out and welcomed dharma’s ‘friend’. crap. if that happened in real life,i’d probably be running to my room already.)
• the ‘thing’ conversing with dharma. (fyi, dharma is the hero in the movie. i know.. ‘dharma’??)
• dharma carrying the grandma to her bedroom only to find out his grandma is sleeping in her bedroom. (”BWOH!!”) 
• more than once, the ‘thing’ was following dharma home while he was driving. (i am soo over driving alone at night..)

then again, there are also moments where i go “NO, IDIOT!! DON’T!!” *slaps forehead*

• i don’t know about you, but if i found a weird looking bottle on the beach, I REFUSE TO TOUCH IT. i wouldn’t even go near it. you never know. Seri Ros (a character) not only picks it up, she brings it home. *rejected sigh*
• you live in an apartment alone. its late at night and someone knocks vigorously on your door. what do u do? …..ok, fine. maybe i’ll look through the peeping hole, but i would never open the door tarus2. duuuuh… people who are important  me have my number. i’m pretty sure they’d call or leave me a message if they’re coming over.
• you realised something is weird or not right. scary weird. late at night. what do you do? i’d ignore it. “jangan di tagur..” one of my nene’s advice. ok, dharma didn’t actually react when a family of three was walking towards the elevator. the family were wearing white and had no faces. i’d probably scream my head off THEN compose myself and tried not to react. hehe.

ok. i actually have a question. all of those things that i just mentioned in the slap-forehead category, is it bruneian superstition? or malay superstition?

huh.. *wonders*

finally figured out how to get the pics out of the digital camera and into my laptop. (thanks, atul). i didn’t know i could stick the sd card into the hole on the side of my laptop. hahahaha. who knew it would be that easy?? anyways, some pics taken on what could’ve been the memorable days of my life:

(note: my camera is not anti-shock, so some of the photos are blurry.. saja.. a warning.. :D) 

khatam al-quran.:

 in the middle of the khatam ceremony. lil sis couldn’t find me so she took pictures of my friends instead. she missed me by one head!!

   there. she finally found me…

 group photo..

  me and B.. *notice how proud we look*

 me with my mom and B..

 ayah and me

 me and B.. he was acually annoyed this time. though i forgot why.. hehehe..

convocation:

it was 5.30 am. and i kinda forced my lil brother to give me a crash course on this camera. “this is how you switch on the flash and this is where you press to take a pic.” the outcome:

 (the flash nearly blinded me, fyi)

 me outside the door at the crack of dawn.

 with B five minutes later.

 getting ready at the parking lot. two hours before the big event.

 in the basement. waiting to go to the big hall. sampat lagi begambar..

 people who took advantage of my camera when i was busy with the last minute preparation.. 

i was bored mid-ceremony so i took photos..

 sitaie usulnya kan?? hehe (i love you, beb)

 wat i wore that day.. lawa? :p

 my mom took this photo. it was purely by mistake but the giddy feeling that she captured was genuine. hehehe. im a graduate!!

 some of the goofy photos we took. happy, happy day…

and finally, at the last possible minute, i found B!! hehe..

  a very proud moment for the both of us..

obviously, there are more photos than this (come ON.. i AM an rnB.. *rolls eyes*) but the lazy in me, and the fact that its almost 1am 12am (technicality. i hope SOMEONE is satisfied. :lol:), is making me stop.

so… bye.

p/s: when my eyes and brain are fully functioning i will probably post an emotional blog on my ubd life. hehe.

pp/s: if i’m up for it, i guess.. haha..

ppp/s: my american friends, hope you enjoyed the photos..

i saw ‘the wife’ today.

the last time that i saw her that was not more than 10 meters was 3 years ago. she was on her way to her car with her husband, my dad. back then, i was still in denial. seeing them together didn’t bring that much pain. my family in tutong was going off for umrah today. so we (my sibs, mom and i) decided to see them fly off. i seriously didn’t expect to see her day. for the past 3 years, every family function that we were invited to, she didnt turn up. so why should this be any different,rite?

so there she was tadi. just sitting innocently next to my angah. i was the first one to realise it was her. i literally stop and walked away in the other direction. once away from the prying eyes, i started crying! tears were forming and free falling readily! i remember thinking “why?? why am i crying??”. i thought i was ready to face her. it has been 3 years. i was even in the early stages of thinking of forgive and forget. obviously, i was wrong. i cried my freakin eyeballs out! in public!! somehow, the pain that i didn’t feel from the time of not seeing her just came at me full blast ahead. it hurt like a mother. maybe if she and i didn’t have a history to begin with, it would’ve hurt less. i was bloody furious and sad at the same time. part of the reason why my family isn’t complete was just sitting there, within arms reach. it took all my strenght to ‘rise above the occasion’ and not slap/kick/punch/cause any physical pain. if looks could kill, she’d be dead ten times over.

i have to give my mom credit. there were sadness in her eyes but she didn’t cry. instead she was comforting her children. hugging us, one by one. she just ignored the wife & chatted with the other family members. thats my mother. *smiles proudly*

unfortunately, lil sis, lil bro and i didn’t have as much strength. whatever we were feeling, it was on our faces: insincere smile, half hearted answers and red eyes. we finally kinda loosen up when B came. (yes, i actually called B to come to the airport). Being the sweetie that he is (& how close his place is to the airport),B came by to comfort me. i know when i think about it, it seem weird to have my boyfriend suddenly show up with so many family members around but i really needed someone. someone who was not emotional and biased to calm me down. ……god. the amount of pain i wanted to inflict..

it doesn’t hurt the fact that ayah doesn’t live here anymore. it doesn’t hurt that i rarely see him. it doesn’t even hurt to talk to him amy more. but when she came into the picture,the pain was enough to bring me to my knees.

i guess i’m not ready..

ok. confession time.

i watched high school musical. more than once. i even sing along to their songs. out loud.

hahahahaha.. i can just imagine B covering his face, groaning “why? why?? did she have to post this??”

i seriously think its a good show. besides, zac efron is HAWT! :p anyway, the sequel is out. i wouldn’t say i was iski to watch it but i did put a reminder in my phone that the premier is today. hehe.

siok!! troy and gabriella kissed in the second movie. sampai jua akhirnya.. hehehe.. those almost-kissing moments were kinda annoying. i mean, true, it is a disney movie but still… :p and so, after watching the movie,i went online. skalinya i was surprised to find out about the latest scandal surrounding HSM2. extremely surprised. :s i honestly didn’t see it coming. i didn’t want to believe it but i dunno. all i’m saying is that i hope everything works out for everyone in the end..

….oh & i know i’m changing the mood suddenly but i like the cheesy lovey-dovey songs that troy and gabriella sang. hehe.

been busy lately. graduation is just around the corner and the khatam ceremony is tonite. (fyi, khatam ceremony =  usually held after we have completed reading the whole Quran.) we had a rehearsal (i like the malay version of rehearsal: raptai. it sound so.. funny. rap-taaai, rrrrraaaap-taaaaiiiiii… hehe.. apakan?) this morning. after that me, bo and mizi had some errands to do. after everything was done, we decided to have lunch. iatahkan during lunch, kami terkenangkan zaman ubd.

its amazing how 4 years can pass by so easily. we mostly talked about the exam times. it was the lastest exam that we went all out. how we would stay at ubd ’til the wee hours in the morning, cramming for the upcoming exams. kira case terpaksa jua wah. we HAD to study because exams was coming and we didn’t want to fail/repeat. the latest i went home was at 1am. which was nothing when compared to mizi, who went home around 4am eventhough we had exam 5 hours later.

haha.  remember waking up around 8-9, picking up bo and then drive to ubd. i woke up early because it usually take me an hour just to get the mood to study. haha. another bad thing about me is that i get distracted easily. VERY easily. i swear to god, i was concentrating on solving this equation but a cat passed by (i was outside, sal…. its either it was too noisy/cold inside. either one.. :)) and i went “oooooo… a cat…” then i forgot the fomula!! it wasn’t actually the best time for my bimboness to shine but it did!! sigh…. then there would be times where we would have lunch/dinner together then study again. i miss that.

• “ok, after we eat, i’m REALLY gonna study. i HAVE to study.” (procrastinating is common during this time..)
• “thats it. i give up. i can’t study anymore.”
• (after looking at someone who is still studying) “……crap. how do you this question?”
• “i don’t get it!!”
• “aku mental….”
• “eh?? apakan….?” (after realising we’re using the wrong formula.)
• “rehat ku kajap…”

hehe.. those are just a few of the normal things you would hear when we would study together. theres always a pattern: we arrive, take our books/notes out, talk to each other and would start to study an hour later. usually an hour after studying, we’d go for a 2-3 hour lunch. go back to uni. another half hour to start studying. its usually in the afternoon where we’d be really quiet and study with full concentration. when night comes, we’d started to get tired but didn’t wnat to stop ’cause we were on a roll. but when we do take a break, its usually another 2-3 hours. trying to start studying at night again was hard. i mean, you’ve been studying for most of the afternoon. capturing the mood again is just so tiring. so, usually it takes another 2 hours to start studying again. so it’ll be around 8/9pm where we’ll be quietly studying and revising in our own corners. i’m usually done by 10-11pm. i have curfew. hahaha. inda bisai jua wah. bini2 balik akhir2. :p there was a time when the tension and stress level was soo high that we decided to go to the beach before an exam. haha.

   enjoying the soothing sound of the beach..

 me and waz.. not letting the stress of exams get to us..

 sigh. those were the days. i don’t miss the studying, cramming and panicked feeling, but i do miss the fun and hanging out in between.