another girl in her own world..

meet B. this is the guy who always makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world one minute, and makes me wanna tear my hair out in frustration the next. he’s the one guy who really gets me. he was there, holding my hands, wiping my tears during the downs and he was there jumping next to me during the ups.

today is his day. he was born today, 18th May, 24 years ago. obviously a special day, so had a surprise in mind. i decided to give him a PSP. and since i’m more than just a ‘tad’ technology-challenge, i had to ask his siblings for help. on that note, i’d like to thank fadli & nabilah again, for helping li ol’kuno me.

anyway, the idea was to present B with a crappy first gift and then surprise him with the real gift. i was planning to make him think ‘thats it??’ (i know i sound mean but it was a great idea when i first thought of it! honest!! :p) an incident that happened yesterday (a whole new blog post there) that kinda made it easier to sound annoyed for B. hehe. anyway, the crappy gift was a work shirt that was obviously too small for B to wear (fadli’s idea) and make him do stuff he didn’t wanna do. (yes, i do realise how cruel it sounds now)

me and B’s siblings went out shopping on wednesday (impromptu) when we bought the PSP… lets just say it was hard for us to bring it home with us if we want B to be fully satisfied with the gift. so we had to figure out a way to make B wanna go to the Mall on a Sunday. hence, the ‘cruel’ plan.

but he made it hard!! the plan was i give the gift #1 then we watch movie. but actually, nabilah and fadli would be waiting for us at the shop. but then he said ‘i don’t want to watch movie. its my birthday. shouldn’t we do things that I wanna do?’ hehehe. true. so, i managed to persuade him to have late lunch at swensen’s instead (also at the Mall) clever,no? wrong. i changed the plan without letting nabilah and fadli!! crap. B said my repeated messaging tipped him off. hahaha. o well.

B opend the first gift in the parking lot. being the sweetie that he is, he said my gift was ‘thoughtful. thank you, sayang.’ thoughtful???  i told you he was sweet. theeeeeeeeen we went up to swensen’s where nabilah and fadli wasn’t there yet! so i used my usual indecisiveness to stall for time. being usually annoying does come in handy sometimes. when the siblings arrive, i told B the surprise was to watch the movie together. :p he didn’t fall for that one. at least i didn’t think so. hehe. 

on the way,

me: ‘oh yea, B. your other gift.’ giving him the receipt of the real present wrapped.

B: ‘huh? apa nie?’ *tearing* (i swear to god, i thought he’s tear the receipt too.) the look on B’s face when he realised what it is, everything that i went through to do it was worth it. his face just lit up. his smile widen. his eyes brightened up. my back still hurts from his tight hug. oh, he was still in shock 10 minutes of realising. he was just like a happy lil kid. hehe.. my everything, this guy..

happy birthday, B. may your life be blessed with happiness and health always. may you live a long life (with me. hehehe.) *hugs*

i love you, cutes.

been busy. obviously. too busy to even post about my birthday! so lets seeeeeeee…

28th April (monday): pretty mundane day. just busy with work. realised that the mid-year exam is next week. so had a minor panic attack then went into action mode. preparing lessons for the days to come.

29th April (tuesday): woken up by B. at 00.15am. he did his yearly Happy Birthday song. this year, its in the most bawd-iest voice i’ve ever heard. he’s so sweet, my man.. :p and so, from that moment on, my phone didn’t stop ringing until late in the night. i feel so loved thank you so much, my dalengs.. your messages (sometimes halfway around the world ) were so full of love.. *hugs* i went home around 2pm. and spent the rest of the day with my little brother. a much needed retail therapy was conducted on this day. hehehehe.

fast forward to 2nd May (friday): 6 years and 7 months. thats how long me and B have been together “officially”. btw, i find it weird how bruneian teens get together. they have to ‘propose’ lagi. i remember mocking it yet expected it when a guy was ‘courting’ me. ok. that a whole other post right there. hehe!! anyways, since we were both kinda busy on my day itself, we decided to celebrate it on our anniversary. we actually had a few thing planned but due to unavoidable circumstances, they had to be changed. fortunately, it was memorable either way. first, we watched ‘ironman’. siiiiiiiok!! granted, it wasn’t was fun as transformers, but still!! robert downey jr did some fine acting.. theeeeeen, had lunch with B’s family with my little brother. i didnt take any pictures. heh. but yea. after lunch, me and B had the rest of the day to ourselves. being with the one you love who is pampering you. who could ask for more? :p B bought me perfume for my birthday. proof that he does listen when i talk. and his sibling’s gave me a bag. awwwww.. sweet, no? i didn’t see it coming. (note to self: don’t forget THEIR birthday!! hehehhe.)

that was almost a week ago so i dont really remember the full details. but what i do remember was how i felt. happy. and loved. and grateful. it has been a dramatic and sometimes chaotic couple of years. so i’m grareful that this year was peaceful and drama free.

i feel loved.

B : “you are not the most beautiful woman in the world..”

me : *hurt* “???”

B : “you are the most beautiful woman in the universe !!!!”

i gotta admit, it did made my day..

MOVIE MARATHON!!

that’s what me and my beloved did today(13/12). we watched three movies in one whole day.. fun! a bit tiring, tho. :p anyway, we watched the above movies in those order.

first, warlords. had no idea what the movie was about. just saw the preview and i was all “ooooooooh… lets watch..” i dunno if it was based on a real story but it seem historically correct. its about 3 strangers (i think), in the 1800s, who made a blood oath to be brothers and protect each other. if you wanna know the full details, click here.

next, we watched i am legend. at first, i wasn’t all that. i mean, sure, wil smith is hot and all (and i mean H-A-W-T), but eeh.. so he was the man on earth, who cares?? but i was mistaken. it turns out to be one heck of a cool movie.. siiiiiiok!! and i didn’t think there would be as much action as there were seriously. it was worth it. would probably watch it again if ada dangan. hehehe.

lastly, CHIPMUNKS!!!!!!! ~bow-chica-wow-wow-chica-wow-wow~  hehehe.. the ‘munks are soooooo very cuuuuuute!! and ohmigod! the voices??? eeeeeeeeeeee.. “i still have baby fat!” alright,from my bimbo comments, its very obvious i loved the movie. i’m gonna watch it again. infact, i think im going to find a way to watch it with kaer.

speaking of kaer, tadi i went to visit him,

me: “elo kaaaaeer..” *waves*

kaer: “no. ukan kaer” *holds his arms up* “ani, KAMPUNG BOY!!”

me: ???!?!?! kiiiiiut kan? seriously, he has a way of making me miss him but then when i do see him, he makes me wanna go home ASAP. :p

…….ok. thats it. for now. see ya, dalengs…

“never argue with idiots. they will knock you down to their level and beat you with experience..”

-B quoting someone when i was in my bimbo mode, vehemently trying to make a point.

its 11.20pm according to my laptop. i’m in the living room, waiting for a certain couple (who are not together). ngok & ngek said that they were gonna come. soon. that was about 20 minutes ago. so, hmmmmmmmm..

oh, no, wait… i hear car doors being slammed..

i was right.. they’re here. so, will be back soon..

UPDATE: 12.57am -  they just left. hehe. i think because i was tired, i was mostly quiet. except for when i was commenting on wedding gowns. :p we were flicking through a bride magazine. why? to help mizi ‘mencari ilham’ so yea. it was a mundane hang out. or maybe its cause Bo isn’t here.

 me looking tired. hehe..

 ngok & ngek.

anyway, to was kind of a fun day. i went ray-ing with B. we spent most of the time with his family. then kami raya to Pie’s place. ia open house. met up with my girls. how i miss them. hehe. had fun. *wink,wink* for pictures, go war’s blog. hehe. there’s always pictures there. :p lestuuuuuu, we went home. B stayed for a while. then, datang tia baby darwisya. hehe. the latest addition to the family. she came with her nenek.  around 10.30pm everyone balik, and i called atul, told me that she’s coming over with mizi. so yea.. here’s some pics. most of the pics that i wanted to post, is already posted in my sister’s blog. so ani cikit saja..

 3rd day of raya. ayah brough us to tutong          3 kids & 1 dad.

 me & B at my place. do i look pale or wat??

 family eating…

 baby lingling hyperventilating.. hehe.. i think she’s scared of B..

 ~i looo00ooove youuuuuuu~

 we did this family potrait on the same day i took my grad potrait. one thing can never understand, my grandma’s dad is from Pakistan. my granddad’s father is Sri Lankan. why me and me siblings look like chinese, i’ll never know.

…..tired. sleepy. nite..

i have posted enough blog for you guys to know that i knew B since we were in primary school. we had the love/hate relationship down to a T. but what you guys didn’t know was that once we went to secondary (high) school we barely talk to each other. B said i was a snob and refused to acknowledge him this one time. then again, i was more popular than he was. i joke, i joke. basically, for the next five and a half years, we knew each other existed but we never said anything to each other. at all.

and so, comes the incident where we were forced (?) to be in the same room again. (student council meeting.. hahaha..) & unsurprisingly, we picked up where we left off. the first conversation exchanged between us was an insult. i kid you not. after more than 5 years. an insult.

so, to cut a long story short, a month after the initial insult was swapped, we grew closer and told him that i liked him. have no idea where THAT came from. we all know rejection can be hard. lucky for me, the feeling was mutual. we had that conversation on 30.9 six years ago. then, after a day of malu-malu babi, we went through the bruneian student ritual where the guy proposes to girl to be his girlfriend. hahaha. honestly, i never understood the reason behind the proposal but expected it nonetheless. :p ok, maybe its not pointless as it help to clear the “are we/aren’t we a couple?” question. huh. anyway, THAT question was popped 2nd october 2001.

last sunday (30.9) me and B wanted to celebrate by breaking our fast at kfc. thats where we had our first date. (hey. we were kids… ish.. :p) but due to unavoidable circumstances (guilt trip anyone?), plans changed. the day kinda sucked. didn’t turn out the way i expected it. i wanted it to be special. i mean it was the only thing in my life that hasn’t changed. sigh. however, B was a sport. he kept saying corny things like “at leaast we’re together….”. hehehe. yeaaa… true. because of what happened in sunday, i was not keeping my hopes up for today (2.10).

i was wrong.

B surprised me with 3 gifts. he made me close my eyes and not to open them until he said so. i feel pretty stupid covering my eyes, alone in the car while B was out getting my gift. his first surprise was a bouquet of roses and calla lilies. red roses because a girl can never have too much, white because it was the closest thing to my favourite colour and calla lilies because he knows i have a thing for it as of late. *shrug* next, he got me the last season of charmed dvd!! ok, it might be a weird gift for some people, but for me he hit the jackpot!! i LOVE charmed. (still somewhat upset that cole is no longer with phoebe.. :p) hehehe.. and lastly, he bought me shoes!! SHOES!! and just in time for Hari Raya too!! we also broke our fast at charcoal. fyi, if you wanna go there, make sure you’re really hungry. then it’ll be worth your money. haha. sigh.. yes, ladies, i found me a good one..

 30.9 with B. waiting for my family..

           B with his present from me.

 me with my flowers :D!!

 my cinderella shoes… chantek..?

           @ charcoal. if kabur the pic, B tu punya pasal. :p

 huhu..

(WARNING: the next paragraph contains highly sappy and overly sweet messages.. :D)

B, thank you. for today. for everything. we both know that i wouldn’t be who i am today with out you. you were the one who gave the skinny ass girl her confidence which in return made her love herself (maybe made her vain, but thats beside the point. hehe.) you also love me eventhough you knew i had a huge potential to be a bimbo, heck, you even witnessed more than half on my ‘moments’. you were there, laughing with me when i was happy, hugging me when i was crying. so.. thank you. being my first love and all..

always, fauz.

so, i decided to go to B’s place. the connection at my place is somewhat unreliable and i kinda need to go online. and so now that everything is done, i decided to take advantage and post a blog.. huhuhu..

 me and B. nothing to do. so took a photo and posted in my blog. :p

 doesn’t he look cuuuuuuuutttteeee?? hehe.. my baba..

 - will continue later. have to go now..

9.10pm : i’m finally home. tadi went out for sungkai at Nyonya’s. if you wanna full details, go to war’s blog. hehe. as usual, war took photos. which btw, makes me wonder why is it in real life, my hair looks flat. but when in war’s camera, it looks like it has a life of its own!! meng-gerbang ani wah!! :s

anyway, continuing with my post tadi..

 the latest addition to the family: amoi… hehehe..

 i found this photo in my mob. i was thinking “anak sapa lagi kan nie??” hahaha.. didn’t realised. its Bo’s nephew..

  mother & 2 daughters       

 w/kaka long. these photos were taken masa abg long and kaka siti went back to singapore. i suddenly wanna go to singapore. as soon as i kumpul enough money, i am so going there. hehe.

ok. kinda tired now. hehe. nite, toots.

finally figured out how to get the pics out of the digital camera and into my laptop. (thanks, atul). i didn’t know i could stick the sd card into the hole on the side of my laptop. hahahaha. who knew it would be that easy?? anyways, some pics taken on what could’ve been the memorable days of my life:

(note: my camera is not anti-shock, so some of the photos are blurry.. saja.. a warning.. :D) 

khatam al-quran.:

 in the middle of the khatam ceremony. lil sis couldn’t find me so she took pictures of my friends instead. she missed me by one head!!

   there. she finally found me…

 group photo..

  me and B.. *notice how proud we look*

 me with my mom and B..

 ayah and me

 me and B.. he was acually annoyed this time. though i forgot why.. hehehe..

convocation:

it was 5.30 am. and i kinda forced my lil brother to give me a crash course on this camera. “this is how you switch on the flash and this is where you press to take a pic.” the outcome:

 (the flash nearly blinded me, fyi)

 me outside the door at the crack of dawn.

 with B five minutes later.

 getting ready at the parking lot. two hours before the big event.

 in the basement. waiting to go to the big hall. sampat lagi begambar..

 people who took advantage of my camera when i was busy with the last minute preparation.. 

i was bored mid-ceremony so i took photos..

 sitaie usulnya kan?? hehe (i love you, beb)

 wat i wore that day.. lawa? :p

 my mom took this photo. it was purely by mistake but the giddy feeling that she captured was genuine. hehehe. im a graduate!!

 some of the goofy photos we took. happy, happy day…

and finally, at the last possible minute, i found B!! hehe..

  a very proud moment for the both of us..

obviously, there are more photos than this (come ON.. i AM an rnB.. *rolls eyes*) but the lazy in me, and the fact that its almost 1am 12am (technicality. i hope SOMEONE is satisfied. :lol:), is making me stop.

so… bye.

p/s: when my eyes and brain are fully functioning i will probably post an emotional blog on my ubd life. hehe.

pp/s: if i’m up for it, i guess.. haha..

ppp/s: my american friends, hope you enjoyed the photos..

i saw ‘the wife’ today.

the last time that i saw her that was not more than 10 meters was 3 years ago. she was on her way to her car with her husband, my dad. back then, i was still in denial. seeing them together didn’t bring that much pain. my family in tutong was going off for umrah today. so we (my sibs, mom and i) decided to see them fly off. i seriously didn’t expect to see her day. for the past 3 years, every family function that we were invited to, she didnt turn up. so why should this be any different,rite?

so there she was tadi. just sitting innocently next to my angah. i was the first one to realise it was her. i literally stop and walked away in the other direction. once away from the prying eyes, i started crying! tears were forming and free falling readily! i remember thinking “why?? why am i crying??”. i thought i was ready to face her. it has been 3 years. i was even in the early stages of thinking of forgive and forget. obviously, i was wrong. i cried my freakin eyeballs out! in public!! somehow, the pain that i didn’t feel from the time of not seeing her just came at me full blast ahead. it hurt like a mother. maybe if she and i didn’t have a history to begin with, it would’ve hurt less. i was bloody furious and sad at the same time. part of the reason why my family isn’t complete was just sitting there, within arms reach. it took all my strenght to ‘rise above the occasion’ and not slap/kick/punch/cause any physical pain. if looks could kill, she’d be dead ten times over.

i have to give my mom credit. there were sadness in her eyes but she didn’t cry. instead she was comforting her children. hugging us, one by one. she just ignored the wife & chatted with the other family members. thats my mother. *smiles proudly*

unfortunately, lil sis, lil bro and i didn’t have as much strength. whatever we were feeling, it was on our faces: insincere smile, half hearted answers and red eyes. we finally kinda loosen up when B came. (yes, i actually called B to come to the airport). Being the sweetie that he is (& how close his place is to the airport),B came by to comfort me. i know when i think about it, it seem weird to have my boyfriend suddenly show up with so many family members around but i really needed someone. someone who was not emotional and biased to calm me down. ……god. the amount of pain i wanted to inflict..

it doesn’t hurt the fact that ayah doesn’t live here anymore. it doesn’t hurt that i rarely see him. it doesn’t even hurt to talk to him amy more. but when she came into the picture,the pain was enough to bring me to my knees.

i guess i’m not ready..